It’s happened before—you, honest blogger/writer/scholar/frequenter of coffee shops or other tabled spaces, just want to get down to work writing/blogging/studying/goofing off/wasting your life on the internet, without being harassed by the uncertain terrain of a vacillating table. Maybe it ruins your flow, or threatens the wellbeing of your electronic devices or books with an overflowing cappuccino.
What causes these unstable surfaces? Issues with the way tables are constructed in our capitalistic society? The intersection between our physical habits and the psychology of table use? We may never know. Little scholarship is being conducted on this menace to your scholarly pursuits. Whatever the cause, you need this obnoxiousness to go away, and you left your handyman’s kit at home.
Step 1: Select a packet of sugar, spice, or sweetener from the rack available for you. If you’re in a library give up now.
Step 2: The table rocks around a single point on the centre. if you put your full weight on one side, it will stay solid. The problem is you can’t do this and still get your work done. Determine which way you’d like the table to rest, and lean on the opposite side. NOTE: you probably can’t do this alone, so make a new friend. You’ll impress the shit out of them with your awesome DIY instincts.
Step 3: While someone leans on the table, slide the packet of sugar under the side that’s raised. Plump or de-plump the packet depending on how much excess space there is so that it completely fills the gap between the table leg and the floor.
Step 4: Enjoy peaceful creative flow, and the satisfaction of benefitting from sheer genius. Tell your friends you made it up yourself.